Its always nice to know...

Thats least you know one of your relatives is also a blogger.

This is a shout out to my sis-in-law Ying =) I know I may have been rather quiet eversince form 2. But reality does hit me hard when I read through the daily life she goes through. It is tough..and I sometimes do realize I could be a bit of a nuisance. *sigh*

And if it wasn't for her blog....I would never know whats going on with my bro or my niece and such. =) I rarely talk to my brother eversince the argument 2 years ago thanks to Daddy-dearest...it really hurts to shut out everyone I was close with from my life.

Sometimes it makes me wonder if I had a better life if things didn't go so sour. But this is my life as it is so I better make good use of it. I have not many to talk to about my problems or anything...its mostly my mum but she too I have shell myself up from her. I lost a lot of trust in anyone and pretty much confused. But family values do matter... I have looked up to my brother actually as a father figure since small and my older sister as my 2nd mum.

I was loved and cared properly. For that I very much appreciate that at least some one was taking care of me. But somehow I ended up not contacting them anymore because of things that I should say all three of us might not be able to talk about. They have children of their own..so maybe I am a bit jealous...can't really blame them. Its my own nature to be at least jealous but I'm happy that they are happy with their family and living a good life.

Call me a bit too sensitive. Sometimes I do realize how much they worry about me thanks to my habit of not contacting even for 2 years. I almost reach on to the point of insanity thanks to peer pressure and also to major conflicts with my mum back in Sabah. Our oldest brother also do worry about me but we never did talk much. I couldn't even bring a proper conversion with him. I'm just too shy to my own siblings...I always felt small and little.

I could be exaggerating but it is normal for one to face such a moment. I do know I treat my dad like shit...but it is not my own doing either. Being bashed up by your own foster father is as bad as your real mother not wanting you at all. Wasn't really a happy kid back in primary school...I was already in depression.

I may act horribly ignorant. But when you come to think about it in someone elses shoes. There is reasoning to many times where I am always mistaken for flirting. But I have no sense of knowing wether I am a girl or a guy. I just act how I acted around my siblings. So misconception is always on me...=/

And it did happen recently and sometimes its best as always to explain what was going on in reality.

Call this post a bit to over emotional...but heck. Least I know what I'm writing...=) I'm happy for now as I am busy with my college life and getting use to the community. But its not high school anymore for us. Once you mess with the gang...its permanent. Lesson to learn which I know would eventually happen. But meh

shit happens.

and yes I honestly can say this..eventhough I was with my former bf for almost 3 years (I didn't mention 2 years because we weren't certain) I still do not understand how such girls especially those who are really attached to their bfs would get so paranoid to the point of bitching.

oh geez I think I should really put a line across whats female and male...cos I have no sense of knowing my actual gender...

baaah

sucks really.

Getting to know new people is nice. But getting to know your family which you were with your whole life..one more time. Its difficult....very much difficult for me to handle as I only know my foster mum.

sorry readers =P a very emotional posts put to the test...baha..its bad I know but do drop by my sis's place =) Fun reading...and oops XP sumhow I'm reading it! haha

~连小凤