Tuesday, May 29, 2007
This is a shout out to my sis-in-law Ying =) I know I may have been rather quiet eversince form 2. But reality does hit me hard when I read through the daily life she goes through. It is tough..and I sometimes do realize I could be a bit of a nuisance. *sigh*
And if it wasn't for her blog....I would never know whats going on with my bro or my niece and such. =) I rarely talk to my brother eversince the argument 2 years ago thanks to Daddy-dearest...it really hurts to shut out everyone I was close with from my life.
Sometimes it makes me wonder if I had a better life if things didn't go so sour. But this is my life as it is so I better make good use of it. I have not many to talk to about my problems or anything...its mostly my mum but she too I have shell myself up from her. I lost a lot of trust in anyone and pretty much confused. But family values do matter... I have looked up to my brother actually as a father figure since small and my older sister as my 2nd mum.
I was loved and cared properly. For that I very much appreciate that at least some one was taking care of me. But somehow I ended up not contacting them anymore because of things that I should say all three of us might not be able to talk about. They have children of their own..so maybe I am a bit jealous...can't really blame them. Its my own nature to be at least jealous but I'm happy that they are happy with their family and living a good life.
Call me a bit too sensitive. Sometimes I do realize how much they worry about me thanks to my habit of not contacting even for 2 years. I almost reach on to the point of insanity thanks to peer pressure and also to major conflicts with my mum back in Sabah. Our oldest brother also do worry about me but we never did talk much. I couldn't even bring a proper conversion with him. I'm just too shy to my own siblings...I always felt small and little.
I could be exaggerating but it is normal for one to face such a moment. I do know I treat my dad like shit...but it is not my own doing either. Being bashed up by your own foster father is as bad as your real mother not wanting you at all. Wasn't really a happy kid back in primary school...I was already in depression.
I may act horribly ignorant. But when you come to think about it in someone elses shoes. There is reasoning to many times where I am always mistaken for flirting. But I have no sense of knowing wether I am a girl or a guy. I just act how I acted around my siblings. So misconception is always on me...=/
And it did happen recently and sometimes its best as always to explain what was going on in reality.
Call this post a bit to over emotional...but heck. Least I know what I'm writing...=) I'm happy for now as I am busy with my college life and getting use to the community. But its not high school anymore for us. Once you mess with the gang...its permanent. Lesson to learn which I know would eventually happen. But meh
and yes I honestly can say this..eventhough I was with my former bf for almost 3 years (I didn't mention 2 years because we weren't certain) I still do not understand how such girls especially those who are really attached to their bfs would get so paranoid to the point of bitching.
oh geez I think I should really put a line across whats female and male...cos I have no sense of knowing my actual gender...
Getting to know new people is nice. But getting to know your family which you were with your whole life..one more time. Its difficult....very much difficult for me to handle as I only know my foster mum.
sorry readers =P a very emotional posts put to the test...baha..its bad I know but do drop by my sis's place =) Fun reading...and oops XP sumhow I'm reading it! haha
Friday, May 18, 2007
...okaaay..Hikaru(aka Alfred) I am so going to kill you for making me go automatically hooked on this retarded but cute 'rabbids' from Rayman. Deidei is getting his 'Wii' soon and he kinda promised to let me play with the Rayman game as soon as he gets it. aaaaah....wtgheyness.
Actually stuck in CC now waiting for the last day of orientation to start in half an hour's time. Practically watchin what I am showing here early in the morning to wake up my half-already-dead brain.
Now this one just looks wrong I know..they are actually singing 'bla bla bla' instead. Whats worst is that they have the bowl cut hair..and look like a bunch of already too retarded kids and you have to like slap the overly retarded out from the bunch. Ouch..
..gaaah Hikaru if it wasn't for your 'ASS' (aka assignments) I would have come over to your place and grabbed back my Shirousa!..=_=;; but he's kinda giving an impression they are in 'love' together..and...I think I better stop it cos the visualization ain't really helping thanks to the sms 2 days ago...eeek.
Oh yeap..2nd day of orientation was...SUPER ...BORING...and well the person representating the Dean of studies...was kinda going waaaaaaaaay off topic at one point where we were held back in the auditorium for half an hour. Ouch...and she was super bitchy...(well there has to be some bitchy lecturers soon enough to cover up the whole entire sem. So fuck them and leave me be with my ASS)
Met a fellow KK-lian also. HAha...please to know Kelvin! Apparently what made him talk to me is because when I was sitting behind him..I was kinda yelling (?) or should I say being my upmost gheyness/hyperself/random when I stated..*ahem* DOTAAAAAAAA...
oopsies...it seems I was hooked on Dota thanks to...HIKARU..(again). So yeah the upmost random gheyness is when =o=;; I have a tendency to switch topics within 5 minutes and that would be CRAP CRAP CRAP CRAP. Wonder whats in my brain that time....hmm. Poor Hani...she had to bear with my crap the entire ghey 3 hours..or so. (ouch)
I drew some doodles thats kinda as usual...'random' . Geh come to think about it as soon as 'the father' is back from South Africa..I might bug him to get me a new pen drive...Totchi-kun (my another pen drive) is insufficient!..@_@;; argh
bla bla bla
and now I am LATE FOR REGISTRATION...OOPSSSS
Tuesday, May 15, 2007
Haha.. My bad really.
Past three weeks been busy busy busy. Last weekend I had to meetup with my senior Takemura who came over from Singapore for a visit to KL. Pretty much brough her around Sg.Wang as she had never been there and also to Time Square.
Pretty fun really..and miss her lots. (even as I am typing this I'm already missing her)
Last week Thursday though...went out with Deidara to buy Usa-chan and Kuma-chan (from Ouran High School Host Club) at Grafitti Toys. Bumped into Kagami that day too! CHU~!!
I think I saw this blogger at sg.wang that day too. Small world!..really!
Going to start college tomorrow officially at The One Academy. I'm not certain about that place anymore...I feel like going to Lim Kok Wing instead and take up Game Designing (and GUESS WHAT....your assignment happens to be just playing dota...and video games!...) saw they had a xbos360,PS3 and I think soon is wii!!!!!!
I'm tired...still looking for a place to rent soon near TOA...I don't wanna drive..damn lazy liek seriously.